5 Ways To Quit People Pleasing and Beat Approval Addiction
i spent the first 31 years of my life being a full-blown people-pleaser. people-pleasers want everyone around them to be happy, but when you fall into the habit of saying “yes” to everything and everyone—it can become an addiction to feeling needed, important and gaining validation. very quickly, the desire to help others can turn into having your sense of security + confidence rooted in the approval of others. eventually, your relationships will suffer (resentment is a thing), anxiety will be soaring and your physical health (have you ever lost sleeping attending, planning and baking for multiple showers, weddings + birthdays on the same weekend?! no? just me? 🤪) will be jeopardized because you are addicted to saying yes and constantly overcommitting.
here are 5 tips to help you start saying no and stop living to please everyone, but yourself:
1. realize being misunderstood by other is an inevitable part of stepping into your authenticity. if you’ve spent most of your life being a people-pleaser, it’s going to feel like a change to those around you. be you, the world will adjust.
2. accept that you can’t make everyone happy (so please stop trying).
3. set your priorities. knowing your priorities and values helps you put the brakes on people-pleasing. before you say yes or no to someone, ask yourself if doing this helps you get closer or further away from your goals + things that bring you fulfillment.
4. remember that you only need validation from yourself. the people who love you want what is best for you even if that means saying no to them. those who mind don’t matter and those who matter won’t mind. if putting yourself first means losing a few friends then so be it. you deserve to have people around you for who you are and not what you do.
5. understand that people’s negative words + actions often have nothing to do with you + everything to do with how they feel about themselves. you can’t control the way other people act + feel, but you do have power over the role they play in your life + emotions.
