Everything Sex & The City Got Right About Living in New York City
Photo courtesy of Vanity Fair
Long before I moved to New York City, I had studied every square foot of Carrie Bradshaw’s dreamy West Village apartment. The journalism career, the incredible taste in vintage jewelry and the absolutely wild closet filled with designer shoes—life in NYC seemed absolutely glamorous. Well, years later, the stars aligned and something I always hoped for, but never thought could happen for me, happened—I WAS MOVING TO NEW YORK CITY!
Doing one of the most predictable things a thirty-something-year-old girl who recently moved to the Big Apple could do (besides drinking frosé on every rooftop in sight, which is also something I’m known to do…sue me), I decided to watch the entire Sex and the City series all over again.
Besides realizing Carrie Bradshaw is actually not the kind of girl I ever want to be, even though most think of Carrie when they fantasize about making it in Manhattan, I learned that the ladies of Sex and the City were actually wrong about a number of things. Seeing Carrie treat sweet Aiden like crap and constantly playing the victim, made me realize that the ladies of Sex and the City were idolized for being not the best of humans. Pro tip: Writing a monthly column will not and cannot support New York City rent and cost of living (especially with an apartment of Carrie’s size all those fancy dinners, bottomless cosmopolitans and brand-new Manolo Blahnik heels).
However, Sex and the City wasn’t totally filled with unattainable fantasies—there are quite a few truths that Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda taught me about life in New York City. Curious? Keep reading, friends.
THE WEATHER CHANGES IN AN INSTANT
One of my very favorite Carrie Bradshaw truths is about the weather. If I can sum up the weather in NYC in one line, it’d be quoting Carrie when she said, “There is a time of year in New York when, even before the first leaf falls, you can feel the seasons click. The air is crisp, the summer is gone. And for the first night in a long time, you need a blanket on your bed.” This couldn’t be more true. The weather changes in an instant and the seasons are a very real thing. Coming from California, adjusting to the weather is most definitely a thing and, quite possibly, the best conversation starter whenever someone asks you how you’re adjusting to life in NYC.
NOTHING IS SHOCKING
If there’s one thing you can count on in this city, it’s that crazy things happen; you know, the kind that you can hardly believe happened, even though you witnessed them firsthand. In season 3, Carrie narrates: "It's been said that New Yorkers are the most jaded people in the world. The fact is, we've pretty much done and seen it all. It takes quite a bit to shock us…" And that's true. Is that person actually stopping traffic to get her boogie on in the middle of the street? Yes. Is that person walking around with a monkey on his shoulder? Asbiolutely, and he’s charging money for you to snap a photo for your Instagram Stories. Did Berger break up with Carrie with a Post-It note? Yes, he absolutely did. And, she probably saw four crazier things on her commute back to the West Village because, well, that's New York City for ya.
SWIPE LEFT ON THE FINANCE BRO STAT
Mr. Big is that terrible guy you spend all your twenties chasing, until you finally figure out how to stop dating imbeciles who treat you horribly. The whole Peter Pan Syndrome thing can continue for decades in NYC because the city has no shortage power-hungry narcissists—men and women alike. Still: At the end season one, when Carrie turns to Big after having been shut out of nearly every aspect of his life and says, "Tell me I'm the one?"
I’m going to pause right here because in rewatching Sex and the City, I was very alarmed that Carrie continued to go back to Big for more time torture and that this toxic relationship was somehow framed as a romance. The most terrifying part?! I used to find this reasonable and low-key romantic. GROSS!
Here's what you discover as you get older and your friends meet "the one" and then get married: Lots of smart, successful women stay in shitty relationships forever because they never quite figure out how to associate being treated well with healthy love. And that's what Carrie and Big's relationship is: shitty and dysfunctional. If you are over 35, you've attended more than one wedding of this nature, less swept away by the romance than grateful for the free champagne and chance to wear a party dress. When the minister says "Does anyone here have reason…." you stay quiet because watching people make bad decisions about their life is frequently what being an adult is about. As is holding their hand through the divorce, or the not divorce. And letting them do the same for you.
BRUNCH IS A WAY OF LIFE
Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha brunch more than is financially possible for most, but this meal is most definitely a lifestyle in NYC. Nobody brunches harder than New Yorkers. The show really got that right and arguably made “brunch” the most important meal of the week.
MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRES WORK
Pretty much every season of Sex and the City chronicled the struggles of finding Mr. Right. What the show did show us was that the toughest part might not be finding them, but trying to make a life with that person actually work for the long haul. In New York City, there are two things that can make a relationship (platonic or romantic) difficult: living in different boroughs (although, I think this is a lame excuse) and having different schedules. Don’t you remember the struggles of Miranda and Steve in season 2? With her waking up early for to tend to her thriving career as an attorney (yass honey get that money) and him working late nights as a bartender, their relationship was put to the test. Everything from Miranda and Steve making dinner to the pair bringing a puppy into the mix, they our opened our eyes to just how much work goes into keeping a relationship (especially in New York) alive.
Balancing friendships and relationships wasn’t easy for Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha — and it’s certainly not easy IRL. Everyone is hustling in NYC and any relationship—platonic or romantic—seems to take more work here than anywhere else. Whether you like you are the only single person in the world (hello, Miranda circa season 3), or the only married one (see: Charlotte and Trey's nuptials)—a city this big can magnify whatever circumstance you’re in (try going to any ice skating ring during the holidays, you’ll see at least 4 proposals an hour and rethink your swiping strategy).
Some of the best moments on the show were when they explored those feelings, proving that even the most tight knit group of BFFs are going to be at different stages of life sometimes. This can be tense, painful, and awkward and I love that Sex and the City did not gloss over those moments.
Financial Woes Are No Joke
There is totally no shortage of women who moved to the city during the heyday of Sex and the City and its aftermath, assuming it was possible to make a living as a writer, buy Manolos, and live in a junior one-bedroom with a walk-in closet on the Upper East Side, only to find out that reality wasn’t as glittery as Carrie and Samantha made it out to be.
A quick Google search for "How much money did Carrie Bradshaw make?" is full of reality-induced resentment on the part of fans. Here is the truth, which you should not need to be told: Carrie's wardrobe is a fantasy. I'm not sure even supermodels with closets of free clothes can dress as well, or as expensively, as Carrie did.
At one point in the fourth season, Carrie reaches out to everyone begging for money to buy her apartment back from Aidan — the bank; her ex-boyfriend, Big; a pregnant Miranda; and a recently divorced Charlotte. We’ll never know why she thought this was appropriate behavior as a friend, but it was certainly a moment of truth in the otherwise-absurd fictional finances of the show. It proved that money doesn’t just appear — though we're still wondering how on earth Carrie spent $40,000 on shoes alone — and that even the smallest of transactions will add up in the long run. Hearing, “I really want those shoes (or that extra drink or to take a cab home), but I need to pay rent this month” is a very common New York struggle.
This may not be a shortcoming of the show so much, as a shortcoming of the time period (after all, it was during the introduction and rise of the credit card). We have only just moved into an age when financial responsibility is something we talk regularly to women about. And thanks in large part to the Internet, women come flying out of college these days with a checklist of must-do's before their ovaries dry up (or so they are warned over and over). The burnout rate among millennials is skyrocketing.
THE STREETS ARE YOUR RUNWAY
Carrie’s clothes were a visual metaphor for life in New York, and a nod to the fact that you can be outrageous in the Big Apple and will be celebrated for it, not cast out.
But, please for the love, do not try to emulate Carrie’s spending habits. Go thrifting and scour the internet for deals because it cost her WAY too much to make bad choices in great clothes. Someone did the math and it cost Carrie about $175,000 in just one season. In season four, the style icon wore an average of 140 outfits, 120 pairs of heels and 100 different handbags. She shops on-camera at least nine times AND still has time to cheat on Aidan with Big (yes, I’m still talking about this and no, I’m still not over it).
SELF-LOVE + BODY POSITIVITY Aren’t trending. every woman has their own journey to confidence.
In season 4, Carrie asked, “Why is it that we can see our friends perfectly, but when it comes to ourselves, no matter how hard we look, do we ever see ourselves clearly?” All four women were beautiful in their own way. Sometimes they were drenched in confidence and truly wore that feeling as the best accessory. Sex and the City explored their journey with self-confidence in an honest way. The show highlighted when they felt ugly and insecure. Every single woman discussed their concerns about aging, pubic hair, self-worth, wrinkles, and weight.
When Miranda struggled with losing the weight during season 6 and gained a few pounds during her pregnancy, the show really shined a light on how women can feel about their changing bodies. Miranda was convinced that shop owners were even judging her appearance. Of course, it was all in her head and they weren’t. When we are hating on parts of our body and self-image, it’s really hard to forget that it’s not the focal point of every body else’s life.
The City Isn't Really That Big, After All
You’re walking down the street and feeling great. Then you run into your ex. In an ideal world, once you break up with someone, they leave your life completely; or, as Carrie said, “I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck.” Alas, we don’t live in that type of world. Especially in New York — for being a “big city,” it’s one of the smallest places around, where you're bound to run into the one person you don’t want to see too many times to count. Season after season, we watched the women confront their exes: Carrie with Big (and later, Aidan), Miranda with Steve. It was awkward. It was unlucky. And it was also inevitable. Because the only thing harder than dating in New York City is avoiding those bad dates afterward.
EVERYONE HAS A SIDE HUSTLE OR 13 HOBBIES
People move to New York City for all it has to offer, so even the introverts are out to get the most of their experience. There’s so much to do and because of that, there’s lots of hobbies and side hustles happening to support those hobbies. If you’re not in a band, doing stand up comedy or trying to launch multiple businesses at the same time then you’re definitely in multiple volleyball, kickball and softball leagues.
STAYING IN IS THE NEW GOING OUT
Sure, there’s tons do to in New York City and most of us are master socializers. After all, we moved here to soak up all that the City That Never Sleeps has to offer, but that makes coming home and staying home that much sweeter. It’s no wonder why this is the take out and delivery capital of the world. There’s something about the hustle and grit of NYC that makes you need a few self-care sessions a week. I’m an extroverted extrovert and I have found myself spending (and craving) more alone time than ever before. After all, for all that it took to find and afford our apartments in NYC…we might as well enjoy them, right?!
FERTILITY TALK SHOULDN’T BE TABOO
I have always wanted to be a mom, but moving to New York City has put a lot in perspective for me. I’m not saying this isn’t something I want in the future, but I’ve realized there is life outside of the societal pressure placed on women to bear children. For most of a woman’s life, she is reminded by society, the media, and basically every single person around her, that being female and being fertile are expected to go together. Hell, from middle school on, every girl gets that painful, bloody (literally) obnoxious monthly reminder just to prove the point. Yet, that's not the case for all women. In fact, 12% of women in the United States have difficulty carrying a child to term, though it’s something that we’re still feeling shame around when it comes to talking about it. Miranda and Charlotte both opened up about their own fertility struggles (as Miranda said when unexpectedly pregnant with Steve's baby, "He has one ball, and I have a lazy ovary! In what twisted world does that create a baby!? It's like the Special Olympics of conception"), and the latter eventually turned to her friends after having a difficult miscarriage. These (fictional) women didn’t just help today’s women feel more comfortable talking about sex, but they also helped normalize the very real conversations that take place after sex too.
Guests Can Definitely Overstay Their Welcome
We all know that New York is a popular destination. It probably played a part in why people talk about moving here in the first place…and why I eventually took the leap. Here’s the thing—everyone and their third cousin is going to want to come visit now that you live in the Big Apple. If you’re not keeping track, your apartment (which are smaller than anyone can expect in this city) can and will become an Airbnb by a revolving list of friends + family coming to visit (hey, hotels aren’t the most inexpensive around here, so I get it). No joke, I had 9 weeks at one point my first year where I didn’t have a guest for only 3 nights. Making sure I had clean towels and sheets was stressful AF—I sometimes only had a few hours between one set of guests leaving and another showing up from JFK with 3 suitcases in tow. Most of the time, we’re all totally on board with spending extra quality time and sharing our space with friends. But, things can get outta hand real quick— like when Samantha shacked up with Charlotte (and slept with her brother). It can all go too far if you don’t learn how to say no when you need to.
Escaping For The Weekend Is A Must
“One of the best things about living in a city like New York is leaving it.” Sure, we love New York City, but sometimes we just need to escape the crowds, the mounds of trash on the sidewalk every night, the flood of tourists, and the subway performers. Whether it’s the Hamptons, Upstate for the weekend, Los Angeles for a quick business meeting, or Paris for a quick jaunt, there's nothing better than getting out of town for the weekend. After all, distance makes the heart grow fonder…right?!
Some People Do Eventually Leave The City
We move to New York with big dreams, and we’re quickly categorized in two camps. You’ve got the people who declare themselves lifelong New Yorkers; and then there are those that declare that they’ll leave the city for the suburbs eventually. When the self-declared lifers start leaving, it feels like an extra added layer of betrayal. Well, about when it’s Carrie Bradshaw? ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE. Carrie did come back, but she also left for Paris with this crazy idea that she’d be gone forever (Again, one of Carrie’s outlandish decisions. Yeah, go to Paris forever. You don’t even speak French, lady!). And Carrie’s not the only one. You start seeing that people begin to want more, less or just something else altogether. The goodbye parties start to feel really routine and you can’t help but feel conflicted. How can anyone break up with New York City?
There’s no place like new york
Sex and the City is a passionate + over the top love letter to friendship, powerful women, sex, fashion, and to New York City. Life in the Big Apple isn’t easy. We work long hours, deal with random outbursts on the street, sit on Subway cars next to a puddle of barf, sweat buckets waiting for delayed trains, and we come home to our insanely small + overpriced apartment. But we all have one thing in common—we choose to live here, because we are all in the midst of a passionate love affair with the city. Even on our worst days, New Yorkers find their home to be the most magical place in the whole world. Cue Carrie saying, "If you can only have one great love, then the city just may be mine." I honestly feel exactly the same and I’m not sure when that feeling will ever end. Hashtag blessed, amirite?!
